I won’t lie to you… I have been pretty depressed most of the summer. Day after beautiful day passed me by, and I spent most of my time inside, lacking energy, being in pain, hoping to wake up the next day and being back to normal. I now feel better in general. I have some energy back, and I don’t feel like sleeping all the time, so my theory is, that maybe the antibiotics I took for the blastocystis parasite may have done something after all…
Needless to say, the pain is still there, and I am under the impression I can tell where exactly the largest of my hemangiomas is located. Maybe I’m just making it up. The fact remains, I do have constant pain, sometimes very light, sometimes a bit more severe, and I’m glad to be taking pain medication rather than to try and tough it out. It’s been going on for too long for me to want to tough it out.
The emotional toll this has taken on me, though, is what really needed addressing. I had a pretty structured morning until I started feeling sick. Wake up, post recipes to FastPaleo, respond to customer questions, post on Grokette, go to CrossFit, take a shower, make breakfast… All of these things have become a much loved routine. Then CrossFit went away. Day after day after day I would like at the upcoming WOD and bemoan the fact that I could not participate. And for the first time in 2 1/2 years this was not an issue I could fix with food. This became even more painfully real, when I received my diagnosis and was told that there was absolutely nothing I could have done to prevent this from happening.
No amount of bone broth or paleo foods can make these things go away. They’re here to stay, until they are cut out of me.
My surgery, I’m going to guess, will happen some time in September, just as everything starts up again. Homeschool classes, ballet, swimming, and of course my school for Nutritional Therapy. The only reasonable response to this was to postpone the start of the training to February. I was depressed to let another thing go, although it’s only postponed.
And now, a few days ago, I found out that my hours for FastPaleo have to be cut pretty drastically, at least for a while. The income I’ve come to rely on, is going away, and the work I loved so much, is now confined to two days a week. (Please don’t get me wrong, there is no bitterness here at all. I am still passionately rooting for FastPaleo, and I hope with all my heart that I will have more hours again someday. And if you haven’t checked out the new look of FastPaleo yet, then you need to go now and check it out. It looks absolutely fantastic!!)
I wake up in the morning, and I have “nothing to do”.
So, what to do with all of this extra time that I have on my plate? Well, this is where the lemonade comes in. I can only sulk and be depressed for so long, before I can’t stand myself anymore. 🙂 Plus, with an unbelievably supportive husband and always available friends, it is nearly impossible not to bounce back and get going again.
The question is, how do you respond to circumstances beyond your control? You CHOOSE to deal with them in a positive or a negative way. You make the best or the worst of it. Here’s what my new life looks like:
Wake up and go for a walk… every day, no matter what.
Write a business plan for this page. And boy, do I have a plan. I’m not sure what kept me, but I finally have an idea, and I’m making a plan, and Grokette will grow and shine, and it will be awesome!
Prepare my body for surgery. Bone broth may not have been able to prevent it, but it WILL keep me strong, along with other healthy foods, to make it through this surgery, and to heal fast once it is over.
In a way I’m glad this is happening now, rather than 10 years ago. Because today, my blood looks better than ever before. I’m fitter, stronger, and a heck of a lot healthier than I ever was. Bring it on, Life, throw me those lemons. I will be making delicious lemonade.