Category Archives: Crossfit

Four months is a short time

UteliftingheavyshitFour months ago today right around this time I was asleep. Actually not just asleep. I was under pretty heavy general anesthesia. Here’s what wikipedia says about general anesthesia:

General anaesthesia (or general anesthesia) is a medically induced coma and loss of protective reflexes resulting from the administration of one or more general anaesthetic agents. A variety of medications may be administered, with the overall aim of ensuring sleepamnesiaanalgesia, relaxation of skeletal muscles, and loss of control of reflexes of the autonomic nervous system.

I’m still fascinated that this is even possible. And my gratefulness to my doctors is immense. They mixed the right cocktail to put me under, and then they managed to wake me up again. I can’t help thinking, that for a six hour procedure this is a big deal. Heck, they needed two guys just to keep me in that state of vegetableness.

I woke up in the afternoon in the intensive care unit, monitored closely for anything that might go wrong, with just a fraction of my liver left inside my body. They also removed my gallbladder. It’s a package deal. Get two for the price of one!

The journey ahead of me was going to be a long one. I was going to be in a lot of pain for a long time, and I was not going to be able to exercise until February. I would have to rely on others to take care of me, to make my food, to wash my laundry, to drive my kids to places. This surgery was going to be a life changer.

Here is what really happened:

My surgery was on October 16, 2013.

I was on my couch for 14 days more or less. I started walking short distances pretty much right away. On day 17 I started cooking. Within three weeks or so I was driving again.

I started exercising in December, modified, but I went back to CrossFit about twice a week. Then three times, then four times. In January I started doing pull ups. Last week I did a 140lbs back squat and a 205lbs deadlift, both numbers are PRs for me.

Yes, the surgery has been a life changer. I remember experiencing extreme gratitude for my doctors, nurses, and other medical personnel. But I had even more gratitude for my body. I do believe that my healthy diet (hooray for PALEO!!) and my physical fitness before surgery made it possible for me to snap right back. Somehow my body knew to survive and to heal. And it’s been functioning beautifully without its gallbladder, which is still a mystery to me. How does a body work without a gallbladder? Just like that? Is that not something to be extremely grateful for?

I surprised my doctors, and I continually surprise people I talk to who cannot believe that I just had major surgery a few months ago. I had the opportunity to talk with many people who have also undergone surgery. All of those who do not follow a paleo lifestyle have had some horror stories to tell about the length and problems of their recovery. It may be coincidence. I have no studies to support my theory. It’s is merely anecdotal evidence. But I choose to believe that the reason I am doing so well today is because I’ve changed my life for good three years ago, when I went paleo.

I’ve started writing a book (and it’s coming along nicely, though I’m also studying for my Nutritional Therapy course) talking about my experience, and it’s filled with advice on how to deal with modern medicine caveman style. 🙂

Happy 4 monthiversary to me!! Onward and upward!

Quitting is easy…

Uteresting
It’s a good pant right there…

Yesterday, I went to CrossFit knowing the WOD would kick my butt. Five deadlifts (body weight), seven burpees, nine wall balls for a 15 minute AMRAP (as many rounds as possible). I hate burpees. I don’t just dislike them. I hate them. About three minutes into the WOD, I stood in front of my bar (which wasn’t loaded anywhere close to my body weight! Ha, are you kidding me?), panting, sweating, ready to give up. I discussed in my head, how I could make a quick and quiet exit. Just then, my coach walked over. I don’t know how the woman does it. She can somehow tell the difference between panting as in “Holy hell, this WOD is kicking my ass, and I love it” and “Holy hell, get me out of this place. I’m going to pass out”. She encouraged me to go on, to not give up. All I had left were 8.5 minutes. “I’m not feeling it”, I replied, ready to start crying. She said, “Think about this. You are here today. You are doing this. Three months ago you couldn’t. Today you can! Don’t give up now! Keep going!”

Oh, how I hated that she was right. I really, really didn’t want to continue. I had already decided in my head that I was going to quit. But now, there was another person right next to me, watching me, calling out encouraging words to me, and I had to continue. How could I quit, when she told me not to give up? Several minutes later I faced the wall for wall balls. I hate wall balls almost as much as I hate burpees. I stared at the wall listening to the dialogue in my head, when once again, I heard her voice in the background. “Come on, Ute! Almost done!” Damn that woman! Needless to say, I finished the WOD… I lay on my back panting for several minutes, then got up to put away my bar and ball, and the post WOD happy feeling set in.

Quitting would have been easy, but I wouldn’t have had the satisfaction of pushing through, of finishing my WOD. I thought about this all day and realized that situations like these happen to almost all of us at some point in our lives.

If you’ve ever tried to lose weight, finish school, write a paper, climb a mountain, then you have likely faced some frustration and wanted to quit. And most of the time, the reason you don’t is that you have someone in your life, who was there and who had your back.

So, the next time you face a difficult situation, whatever it may be, it’s probably a good idea to have your own little cheer squad, your personal coach or simply someone who knows how to keep you going. When you choose this person, be sure to find someone you know will push you to keep going. Don’t go for that friend who tells you it’s okay to give up, because there is always next time, next year, next decade. If you truly want to reach your goal, your confidante needs to know what it is, and they need to be willing to kick your derriere when you have a bad day. It is that simple.

Now go out and reach for the stars!

When life throws you lemons…

lemonsLEMONS

I won’t lie to you… I have been pretty depressed most of the summer. Day after beautiful day passed me by, and I spent most of my time inside, lacking energy, being in pain, hoping to wake up the next day and being back to normal. I now feel better in general. I have some energy back, and I don’t feel like sleeping all the time, so my theory is, that maybe the antibiotics I took for the blastocystis parasite may have done something after all…

Needless to say, the pain is still there, and I am under the impression I can tell where exactly the largest of my hemangiomas is located. Maybe I’m just making it up. The fact remains, I do have constant pain, sometimes very light, sometimes a bit more severe, and I’m glad to be taking pain medication rather than to try and tough it out. It’s been going on for too long for me to want to tough it out.

The emotional toll this has taken on me, though, is what really needed addressing. I had a pretty structured morning until I started feeling sick. Wake up, post recipes to FastPaleo, respond to customer questions, post on Grokette, go to CrossFit, take a shower, make breakfast… All of these things have become a much loved routine. Then CrossFit went away. Day after day after day I would like at the upcoming WOD and bemoan the fact that I could not participate. And for the first time in 2 1/2 years this was not an issue I could fix with food. This became even more painfully real, when I received my diagnosis and was told that there was absolutely nothing I could have done to prevent this from happening.

No amount of bone broth or paleo foods can make these things go away. They’re here to stay, until they are cut out of me.

My surgery, I’m going to guess, will happen some time in September, just as everything starts up again. Homeschool classes, ballet, swimming, and of course my school for Nutritional Therapy. The only reasonable response to this was to postpone the start of the training to February. I was depressed to let another thing go, although it’s only postponed.

And now, a few days ago, I found out that my hours for FastPaleo have to be cut pretty drastically, at least for a while. The income I’ve come to rely on, is going away, and the work I loved so much, is now confined to two days a week. (Please don’t get me wrong, there is no bitterness here at all. I am still passionately rooting for FastPaleo, and I hope with all my heart that I will have more hours again someday. And if you haven’t checked out the new look of FastPaleo yet, then you need to go now and check it out. It looks absolutely fantastic!!)

I wake up in the morning, and I have “nothing to do”.

LEMONADE

So, what to do with all of this extra time that I have on my plate? Well, this is where the lemonade comes in. I can only sulk and be depressed for so long, before I can’t stand myself anymore. 🙂 Plus, with an unbelievably supportive husband and always available friends, it is nearly impossible not to bounce back and get going again.

The question is, how do you respond to circumstances beyond your control? You CHOOSE to deal with them in a positive or a negative way. You make the best or the worst of it. Here’s what my new life looks like:

Wake up and go for a walk… every day, no matter what.

Write a business plan for this page. And boy, do I have a plan. I’m not sure what kept me, but I finally have an idea, and I’m making a plan, and Grokette will grow and shine, and it will be awesome!

Prepare my body for surgery. Bone broth may not have been able to prevent it, but it WILL keep me strong, along with other healthy foods, to make it through this surgery, and to heal fast once it is over.

In a way I’m glad this is happening now, rather than 10 years ago. Because today, my blood looks better than ever before. I’m fitter, stronger, and a heck of a lot healthier than I ever was. Bring it on, Life, throw me those lemons. I will be making delicious lemonade.

Another Sugar Update

alliswellI think it’s time for another update. First of all, I do want you to know what’s going on with me. Secondly, I feel that the changes in my body are so significant, that it needs to be mentioned. First things first… I am feeling significantly better all around. I work out better, I am in a better mood, and I have ZERO guilt about giving in to cravings. Also, I am much better tuned into my body’s needs. For instance, on days I work out really hard (which is kind of what CrossFit does for ya all the time), my body will tell me in no uncertain terms that it needs something. In the past I tried to fix this by giving it more protein and more fat. Granted this would fill me up pretty well, but I still dragged for a good part of the day. I still do eat protein right after my workouts! But then I eat what my body really wants! And if after a nectarine I am still craving something sweet, I will eat it!

Thanks to eating protein first, my cravings for something sweet are usually pretty easy to control. Did I have a pig out day? Absolutely. A Grocery Outlet nearby sold German chocolate very cheap. I bought a ton of it, and on that same day I ate a whole bar, worth 520 or so calories. I then threw the wrapper right on top of the trash in the garbage can, rather than to bury it somewhere underneath. Nobody commented on it, nobody gave me a hard time. I was not in trouble. Imagine that, I am all grown up after all.

These days I eat something sweet every day. One day it might be only fruit, another it’ll be brownies that I made, or homemade paleo granola bars, or a few pieces of chocolate, or whatever my heart desired. The understanding that I was allowed to do this was so liberating, it almost made me cry. I am a new person, and I am finally happy with who I am, because I am truly in charge of me!

But what about being paleo/primal? 

We’ve established a while ago, that paleo/primal is merely a template for a way of life. No matter how much the various paleo gurus push their agenda, it will mean nothing if YOU end up unhealthy. For example, a few weeks ago I listend to Jason Seib and Sarah Fragoso speak. Both are brilliant human beings, and I admire their drive and intelligence. Jason is a walking, talking science encyclopedia… who will have you know that you absolutely do not need sugar of any sort, because caveman did not have it either. And when you live your life a certain way, then this sounds right and true. But here’s the thing, I don’t live my life that way. I do CrossFit four to five times a week (he told me that I was crazy and should not do that). I do it because I love it, because I am a better person for it. (Hey, I deadlifted 195lbs this morning! This is more than I’ve ever lifted before!) We can leave it up to debate whether or not this amount of working out is beneficial to the human body. You will find pros and cons to every subject out there, and usually each side will have the science to back up their statements.

My conclusion to this is: no two people are exactly alike. No two people live exactly the parkour2same life. You may sit all day or work on your feet. You may wake early and go to sleep late or the other way around. You may eat a lot of meat, very little vegetables, and lots of nuts, or you may eat mostly fish, mostly red meat, mostly white meat, mostly vegetables… You may be a CrossFitter or a Yoga instructor, or a Zumba fan. You may be a career driven person or a stay-at-home mom.

All of these factors, in addition to genetics and hormones play a role in how you should eat, want to eat, like to eat. I’m a big fan of Jason and Sarah, and I love Robb Wolf, who won’t eat dairy, and I love Mark Sisson, who will. All of these wonderful, intelligent, and brilliant people have found ways to optimize their health. And the information they offer is valuable and important. And it works perfectly for some and needs a little tweaking for others.

My paleo is different from yours. And that is perfectly okay!

What about the weight loss? Any progress there?

I’m glad you asked! Yes, I am seeing progress, although I have not weighed myself since the beginning of my experiment. But I can actually see a difference in my appearance now. My belly is smaller, my pants fit much better! Also, I’m starting to see a lot more muscle definition in my arms and shoulders, and in my calves. My favorite ring easily goes on and off my finger. These are the little signs that confirm that what I’m doing is right, that it works for me.

So, if you haven’t found your way yet, keep looking. Keep refining, keep changing things up a bit. Don’t feel like you are stranded, because you’ve been paleo for so many months and haven’t seen any change in your weight, or you don’t feel quite right… If this is the case, then chances are, you have found a great template, and now it’s time to make it your own!

Physical health – emotional health – and how sugar relates to it

UteChristmasIf you’ve followed my blog and Facebook page for even just a little while, you’ll know, that about a week ago I would have told anyone, that sugar addiction is real, and that it was absolutely vital for me to avoid the stuff. Have you ever been in a situation, where your entire belief system about something got shattered, and you had to re-evaluate your position? Sometimes this is a painful process, as you let go of what accompanied you for a very long time, and you thought of it as true and real. And now you have to let go, and embrace a new reality. My realization was not painful per se. It was an eye-opener though.

A few days ago, Sean Flanagan posted something about sugar, and how he actually added more sugar to his diet (though he doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth to begin with) and he feels much better now. He craves a little bit of sugar post-meal, he eats it, and then he’s done. I made a comment about my own sugar addiction, and that there is no way I could do this, because, if I started eating anything with processed sugar in it, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself, and I’d just keep eating, until the whole chocolate bar was gone.

Then, Antonio Valladares chimed in… and nonchalantly declared that there is no such thing as sugar addiction.

Science Facts for Suckers: Sugar is therapeutic. It supports thyroid function, liver function, reduces stress, supports metabolism and increases pleasure with eating. Sugar is NOT addictive.

Arrogant dude, I thought to myself. Who does he think he is, making such a bold statement to “suckers” like me. Sheesh! I pointed out that honey and fruit don’t cause the same kind of addictive behavior in me as refined sugar does. He said something about false claims, and that it was possible that something was metabolically wrong with people who can’t control their sugar cravings. I decided to be done with the conversation… for the moment. As I was mulling over his statements, I kept wondering, what the hell was wrong with either him or me. And then I decided to contact him directly and ask him about what he had said earlier… because maybe, just maybe this Antonio dude was on to something. Not that I was convinced or anything… but just for the heck of it, ask.

His response was this:

There are usually *several* things going on metabolically – the stress response (cortisol, adrenaline) is going haywire and there may be signalling or other hormonal issues at hand (dopamine, leptin, grehlin, etc) – these hormones may be out of balance and it may have NOTHING to do with our choices or desires, it can be epigenetic – meaning we were born with some of these metabolic disturbances…

so it is true that sugar itself is not addictive, even tho many ppl believe it to be true, but there are other underlying issues. There are also strong cultural and personal belief issues involved in these scenarios …

There are also various degrees of eating disorders. They are not only anorexia or bulimia, there is a spectrum of disorders and many of us can have ED tendencies along this spectrum … Many of us do not know we have these issues, but they are real psychological issues, not ‘made up’ stuff…

I have worked w addicts and yes it is difficult to discuss as emotions are strong, but at this point, what we know is that sugar is not addictive – there is no difference between white sugar and fruit (as it is digested down to fructose or glucose and utilized by the body.

Beliefs – Once we believe something is true it is very difficult fo the mind to get around that, even when presented with evidence to the contrary…

Most likely, your stress response is out of control and this is affecting your appetite, satiety levels and what not

If what Antonio told me was true, then this meant I was wrong. I’m 38 years old and I’m wrong about sugar? Inconceivable! I mean, I literally had decades of experience in this department. Weight gain and weight loss were usually directly related to how much sugar I consumed.

A couple of days after this short exchange, I participated in a discussion group with some homeschooling moms, and we just so happened to talk about food, and our relationship with it. One of my friends talked about something that I have no recollection of now, but it triggered something in me… it brought back a memory that I had buried long ago. One of my all time favorite sweets was nutella (the hazelnutty chocolate bread spread). Because candy was very limited at our house, and because I craved sweets, I would secretly sneak spoonfuls of nutella to the point where I finished off half the jar in one sitting. One day I actually was too embarrassed to return the leftover jar. So I finished it off completely, and because I could hardly throw it in the trash where it would be seen, I hid it in a secret place in my room. Of course my parents were on to me. They discovered the nutella, and I was in more trouble than I am willing to share.

Eating candy became a shameful business. I spent my entire allowance on candy, which I then hid in all kinds of secret places, only to devour it all alone during a quiet moment. I loved my candy. I loved how it made me feel. Remember the quote from Antonio above. Sugar is therapeutic. It was! And it is! To this day I find no food quite as pleasant as a sugar treat, with milk chocolate being my absolute favorite.

I spent many years living like this, eating sugar and hiding the evidence. This did lead to an addictive behavior after a while, and I will not make any excuses or will accept any arguments to the contrary on this fact. I acted like an addict. After years and years and years of being ashamed, of hiding, of wanting to feel better about myself, my relationship with sugar became warped. Add in the various diets I subjected my body to, and you have a recipe for disaster. When fat is the enemy, then sugar is the enemy, then meat is, then carbs are, what are you supposed to believe anymore?

My days consisted of sweet breakfasts, lunch, dinner… and snack time when the afternoon crash hit me. What makes a great snack? Chocolate! Cake! Cookies! Just don’t tell anyone…

Is it any surprise that all of this led me to believe that I was a sugar addict? So, how does the science fit in with all of this? Well, the fact is, that sugar is absolutely vital for the human body (hence our cravings for it!). Am I saying that refined sugar, soda, and Snickers bars are the way to consume sugar? Certainly not! But natural sugars like honey, coconut sugar, maple syrup (Grade B), and of course fruits all are converted to glucose in your body and used for energy, thyroid function, liver function (see quote above), among others… Take away that sugar, and you may experience increased stress (because your body suddenly has to run on adrenaline and cortisol), increased fatigue, and overall blahs.

As a result of this depletion you will start craving sugar… and this is where the addictive behavior comes in. You deprive yourself of sugar, then you crave it, binge on it, then feel guilty, and deprive yourself again… It’s a vicious cycle, one that I was stuck in for most of my life!

Recently, after my “falling off the bandwagon” episode (remember?), I decided to do a Whole30. I also increased my CrossFit workouts. I started going 5 days a week, ate mostly meats and vegetables, some fruits, and NO other sugar. Well, I was not entirely honest with you about the results back then. I had lost 2lbs! TWO! After 30 days of working my butt off and eating completely “clean” I had nothing to show for. Well, I had something to show for… My husband made it clear that he was so happy that I was done with this challenge, because I was “so miserable all the time”. I didn’t know what to say in response to this. He was right. I had been miserable. And within two days of finishing my Whole30, I had eaten about a week’s worth of sugar.

I was pissed off at myself! How was it possible that I could not lose this weight? I’d wanted to lose 12lbs. I lost 2lbs. Within a week I gained back 5lbs. I reprimanded myself, I played the guilt game, had a nervous breakdown, because I was a sugar addict. My jeans felt tight, my fitted workout tops showed a roll of fat underneath.

Since starting my paleo/primal journey I lost 35lbs and gained back 17, and I had no idea why… until that fateful day a week ago.

Here is another quote I came across, although I have no idea who is the author of it. Let me know if you know, because I’ll be happy to credit the source:

(UPDATE: the author of this quote is Melkor!)

Paleo and Crossfit, a marriage made in hell. Because nothing predisposes you to injury quite like high-intensity, high-skill exercise performed at high speed in a carbohydrate-depleted brain fog that impedes concentration and thus correct performance of high-skill exercise.

I love CrossFit and I am passionate about Paleo/Primal. I want the best of both worlds. I want to eat clean, and I want to train hard. What I don’t want is to keep tricking myself into thinking that what I have been doing is right. Because it is not!

After last week’s conversation with Antonio, I decided to do an experiment. First of all, I made the conscious decision not to hide it when I ate sweets. This destructive behavior would eventually be discovered by someone, and then I’d feel ashamed. No more hiding the wrapper under a pile of trash.

I increased my carb intake, especially before my CrossFit workouts. Also, I tend to crave a little sugar after a meal. So, instead of going against this craving, I gave in to it. I’d have some chocolate or a small cup of ice cream. Interestingly, I found that I did not crave more after eating just a little something after lunch or dinner. As a matter of fact, after a couple of days I was able to have a mid-afternoon brownie (for everyone to see) and not crave more.

A week later I still do have to remind myself that it’s okay to eat sweet things, and that I don’t mind when people see me doing it. This is a huge deal to me, as I’m changing a behavior that is almost as old as I am. Having to let go of it, proves to be a challenge, but it is one that I don’t mind taking on. I haven’t lost or gained any weight during this week, and ideally I’ll drop at least 15 of the 17lbs I’d like to get rid of. But it’s not my primary focus at the moment. The fact that I’m maintaining my weight with this increased sugar is thrilling.

And finally, I absolutely love how I perform at CrossFit. I am working out better, and I don’t feel as exhausted as I did before.

My plan is to keep track, once a week, of my progress, and I’ll share with you. I’m still scared. I’m still not sure I can trust myself. After all I’m undoing damage that has been done decades ago. But I will cautiously announce that maybe sugar in the form of maple syrup, coconut sugar, rapadura, honey etc… may in fact NOT be my enemy. I’m not going to declare it my friend quite yet, but I’m willing to call it a friendly acquaintance.

My very first CrossFit competition!

Yesterday, Saturday, February 16, 2013 I participated in my very first CrossFit competition. The event was put on for Paul Meyer, a Portland police officer, who got injured and who is now bound to a wheelchair.

When I started CrossFit a year ago, I made it clear to anyone who cared to listen, that I was not going to compete in any games… ever. That just wasn’t me. I had seen too many young, fit CrossFit athletes to even consider competing against them. At 37 years old, there was no doubt in my mind, that I’d only make a fool of myself. And who wants that? I never saw myself as an athlete. For most of my life I worked out because otherwise I wouldn’t be able to maintain or lower my weight.
Eating paleo foods made a difference in the way I approached exercise of course. Instead of running like a maniac and killing myself on cardio machines two hours a day, seven days a week, I turned to lifting more weights, and I no longer needed to go to the gym every single day. But even when I started CrossFit and got continuously stronger, I didn’t see myself competing against those super athletes I admired so much. I didn’t measure up.

Over the past year, though, I saw some of my new CrossFit community friends compete. I watched in awe as they gave their very best, regardless of their shape and size. I saw complete strangers, some of them heavy and slow, working hard… knowing even before they started that they would never win… that in fact they might place last.
At an All Women’s Throwdown last September I watched as one younger, heavy set woman, continuously finished last. In her eyes I recognized fierce determination. By the end it was sheer willpower that kept her going, as she was losing strength. She never gave up, and quickly she became my favorite competitor. She was the one who received the most cheers and applause, not because she was a super athlete and CrossFitter, but because she was there, working, fighting, and not giving up.

People like her made me see these competitions in a different light. Maybe I did not need to be an amazing athlete. I didn’t need to be the strongest, the fastest, the fittest… heck, I know I never will be! The fact is, only one person ever is the strongest, fastest, and fittest at each one of these competitions. And even that superstar usually has someone they’re looking up to, someone they feel they can’t measure up to. Because there IS always someone better out there.

When the Paul Meyer Challenge came up, I didn’t hesitate for too long. This competition was small (although 180 athletes is really not very small, right?), and it was the perfect way for me to get my feet wet. But more important, this was for an amazing cause. I had the pleasure of shaking hands with this police officer, who was all smiles all day long. We exchanged a few sentences, and he pointed out several times how grateful and amazed he was at the turnout. 180 people showing up to work out in his honor… and to raise funds for him and his family. He was clearly moved. And so was I. None of these athletes had to be there. There was nothing in it for them. No award, no prize money… As a matter of fact, they paid to be there.

And so I went… and with my two awesome teammates, we worked our way through three excruciating WODs, the first of which I was certain I could not finish, because my lungs were about to burst, and my legs were about to give out. But finish I did… not just the first WOD but all three of them. Nowhere near the fastest or the strongest. We really ranked quite low… I think only 3 or 4 other teams ranked lower than ours. 😉

But I learned that I rock wall balls. I learned that I can do 105lbs deadlifts repeatedly, which after returning to CrossFit after my back injury last year, is a 20lb PR… And I also learned that I suck at burpees even more than I’d like to admit. I recognized my strengths and weaknesses, and I know now what I need to focus on in order to be my very best at the spring garage games, that I signed up for. 🙂

I also learned that being part of something bigger than myself is humbling and powerful. I am grateful for the experience I had. And to think that we raised approximately $10,000 with this event leaves me speechless and happy. To have my health and strength to be able to contribute in a small way, now that is all the reason I need to do it all again.

Can I have some cheese with that whine?

Watch out, for this will be a post laden with self pity. It’s my blog, so I get to whine every now and then, right? You may tell me that I had it coming, as Crossfitters are ALL going to get injured at some point in their fabulous Crossfit “career”.

Of course, not all injure their backs the way I did. I can handle the ripped up hands from the pull ups, and the bloody shins from box jumps, and I really don’t mind the bruises on my hands and arms from the double-unders. They are all minor injuries, and they don’t slow me down. A bandaid will fix it.

But an achy back? That’s here to stay… in my case it’s been two months, and I’m so sick of it, I am about to go a little crazy. I go through phases of enthusiasm and accept my fate. Even I can’t sit and mope all day every day. But for cryin’ out loud, two months? When will I ever get better? If picking up a heavy laundry basket makes me cringe, when will I ever do another deadlift?

Sure, it would be easy to blame Crossfit for it. But the fact is, I have no one but myself to blame for this. When I first felt sore in my lower back, I should have listened to my body and seen a chiropractor. Instead I deadlifted 185lbs… and two weeks later did the real damage with some clean and jerks. I know the exact moment it happened. My coach walked past me, as I didn’t watch my form, and yelled, “Watch that form, Ute!” Alas, it was too late. Did that make me stop? NO! Something is obviously very wrong with me. Instead of acknowledging that I just hurt myself and stopping the WOD, I continued.

Two months later I’m a whiny mess. Sure, I go to Crossfit… about twice a week, ever so carefully completing my WODs, modifying them if there are any lifting moves or box jumps involved. But I’m used to doing this 4 to 5 times a week. I love doing Crossfit. It keeps me sane, and I love feeling stronger and fitter. Now, I’m just starting to feel like pudding.

I’ve seen a chiropractor, got massages, do stretches every day… but it appears that only time will take care of this for me, and sadly not soon enough. 😦