Three months after injuring my back, I actually have hopes of recovering from this debilitating pain in my lower back. The physical therapist I met Wednesday afternoon finally shed some light onto what is actually wrong with my back (there are two things, and she explained them to me in a way I understood), and why the exercises I was supposed to do, weren’t the right kind of exercises.
48 hours later I feel about 50% better. Think about this for a moment. Just a few days ago, I was in excruciating pain after turning sideways to grab my purse from the passenger seat of my car. I could not move, and had to call my husband from the driveway to come out and pick me up. The next couple of days I spent crying, whining, pouting, accepting my horrible, terrible fate, that I would probably never, ever go back to Crossfit, and that my life as I knew it was over for good.
Well, not so fast, whiny Ute, because there IS hope. And I know this now, and I’m thrilled. Thanks to this second (really, it’s a third) opinion, I am in much less pain. It no longer radiates into my buttocks and lower back, and I am able to move around like a normal human being should.
My daughter (every so insightful, direct, and merciless) remarked… so, are you going to wear nice clothes again, now that you’re getting better? Darn that girl! Obviously I felt a little bit insulted first. I didn’t think that I was not wearing nice clothes. But when it comes down to it, she’s absolutely right. Out of a necessity I opted for more comfortable clothes when I hurt my back. Then things got really bad, and I started eating junk food (lots of it!), and a few pounds started sneaking their way onto my hips and belly. And really, who wants to wear all those pretty skinny clothes, when one just doesn’t feel it? I dressed according to my mood, and my mood was almost always bad. Not a “I’m going to treat my family bad all the time” kind of mood, but a dark “I hate my life and my body” kind of mood.
None of the kind words that people said to me, ever really reached me. They bounced right off the wall I had built around myself. Because I was always in pain, and I could not sleep anymore, and I couldn’t do the most basic things, I let myself go in more than one way, and I’m seeing it now, as I’m emerging on the other side of this drama. 😉
Now there is hope. And I’m willing to do whatever it takes to heal (quickly!) and I’ll wear nice clothes again……. just as soon as those few pounds come off again. 😉
Let me just say thank you to those out there, who took the time to write a few nice words to me. It is really very much appreciated.